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Wayne decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.



One evening, after the honeymoon and just a month before duck season, Wayne is cleaning his shotgun and hunting gear.


His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit duck hunting. Maybe you should sell your shotguns and hunting gear and those plastic ducks you have all over the garage."



Wayne gets this horrified look on his face.



She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"



"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."



"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"



"I wasn't!"

Years ago I had a girlfriend say "I wish you'd look at me the same way you look at your surf board." What, like an inanimate object that I will step all over and eventually either break or sell because I found another one that rides better? WTF is wrong with some women?

A man and woman meet and start dating. They are getting on in years and have both been married multiple times before. They decide to take it slow and not let sex get in the way of their relationship, as it was part of the problem with their previous marriages.

Finally they decide to get married, it's a beautiful affair and the newly weds can't wait for their wedding night. He carries his new bride into their room and lays her on the bed. Slowly they undress and meet in the center of the bed. Quietly she whispers into his ear "Be gentle, this is my first time."

"First time?" He responds, "You have been married three times before! How is this possible?"

"Well, my first husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it."
"My second husband was a Therapist. All he wanted to do was talk about it"
"My third husband was a stamp collector. I really do miss him."